Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Still alive...

In honor of last week's portal post and yesterday's discovery that Aperture Science Pr is following my on Twitter (I feel accomplished, now!) I named the post Still Alive. Well, that and how sporadically I post on here. I'd love to post more often, but between studying for Japanese and more studying for Japanese I can hardly find time for my other classes and sleeping anymore. So aside from those complaints, on with the Blog!

Riddle me this, Batman: What changed kid's cartoons? Why are they so stupid, mundane, predictable yet bizarre? Here's a few suggestions for why.

1. "Kids like Random, right?" It's not "random". Not a single joke is "random" anymore. I can still sit and predict jokes in most TV shows unless they are puposefully designed to not make sense. Sometimes even then. The only thing "random" is what the people were smoking when they came up with character/design choices for shows like Flapjack or Adventure Time. Nobody who says "lol, Random." with a straight face knows what the word "random" really means. Roll a six-sided die. Did you get a six? How about a five? That's chance. Did you get a seven? That's Random. (go read the book The Black Swan: The impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb ). Did you predict what the roll of the dice would be? That's random (that, or you're Sasha Nein).

What Random ISN'T is "Let's make a main character who is childish, looks kinda like my great-aunt's cat, loves food, and is dumb as a post. That's random, right? Kids like random, right?" No. That isn't Random. If you go to and spend a little time there (Don't go if you have something important to do in the next few days, it's that addictive). See if they aren't completely right about every trend on tv, in movies, and in any other form of media. There's a trope for everything, and since watching this I can't help but sit and predict everything that happens, including picking out which characters will die next, who will get with who, and which things that were passingly mentioned before will turn out to save the day (Hint: It's the thing that gets explained in semi-detail at the start of the episode that will turn out to be important. Keep in mind key details of the problem and the pseudoscience. It works best in Eureka).

2. "So, people like reality TV, right?" The Total Drama series is the main offender here. Why -why- WHY do people seem to think kids like this crap? Only older teens like this stuff, and the only reasons older teens are watching the Total Drama series is because it's that or watch Spongebob, which hasn't been good since -EVER- (see problem number one). (Though I would much rather watch Spongebob than some of the other offenders). I don't watch Jersey Shore because they're a bunch of complete tosspots. The only reason the Total Drama series is better is because the characters on that series aren't media-whoring on the news, too.

3. "Who should we get to voice act in this? A squirrel? Sure. How do we draw it? Poorly? Okay." Anyone who has even looked at Flapjack can see it's a complete eyesore, and the voice acting of the main character doesn't help. These people are talented, why are they stuck in these crap jobs?! Looking at the backgrounds: the patterns move. Not only does this not work aesthetically, it can cause migraines. Not helping is the squishy art style making everyone look like they consist of tumors and bacon fat. Voice actors are talented people, and so are people who can draw with any capacity, why are they voicing characters who are designed to be completely obnoxious and drawing characters that match? It's rather sad.

4. "Kids like snot jokes and talking about barf, right?" How I hate this misconception. As a child I didn't like shows like Cow and Chicken because of the former reasons and because of THIS. Why is snot an acceptable source of humor? Same with other bodily functions. It's really not funny, it's quite disgusting. I especially hate that stock sound of someone trying to suck their snot back into their nose. Even typing that sentence puts an upsetting visual and sound into my mind that makes me sorely want more coffee to drown it out. It's disgusting, guys. Stop it.

5. "Who should we get to direct this? Spielberg? Nah, let's get my friend of a friend. He's clever, right?" What I wouldn't give for another Spielberg cartoon. One of the people from the Animaniacs is working on an entirely improv cartoon based on cartoon vultures. I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. PLEASE. It can't be bad so long as they don't fall into the previous categories! I just want someone who can write a joke I can't roll my eyes at before walking outside. I want to get a chuckle out of my cartoons again! Please, someone get Spielberg. Or Paul Dini (back in cartoons, if you please, Mr. Dini. Cartoon network is for CARTOONS. ), or Bruce Timm! How many times must I say their names before someone realizes that the cartoon superheros of the 90's, Freakazoid, the Animaniacs, and Pinky and the Brain were some of the only good shows on TV at the time?! Heck, they need to just start putting stuff from Boomerang back on Cartoon Network! THEY WERE GOOD CARTOONS.

Well now that I've had my prerequisite repetative rant for the morning, have a nice Wednesday morning, everyone! And to people reading this in the future: Have a nice day no matter what time of the week it is!

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